Are your children killing your sex life?

Sometimes it is hard to think back to when sex could happen any time the mood hit you. Specifically it can be difficult with a spilled box of cereal on the floor, an old milk sippy cup we still can’t find (!), and all the adulting we need to do to keep these small beings alive. So here is some tips to keep having the sexy time- even after having kids.

-Feel Sexy.

It can be exhausting trying to find that sexy part of you again, but it is imperative that you do. To start you on the right path maybe buy some cute underwear, workout/lift weights, put on that cute dress that looks hot to matter what, do your makeup, listen to your awesome music, or whatever makes you feel a little more fun, free, and cute. ‘Sexy’ is all attitude and confidence in yourself.


If there is only one thing you take away from this post- this is it. Locking the door before you start you intimate times will help avoid conversations and questions (and even possibly scaring your children for life) that I’m sure you would rather not have.

-Set up for success.

Nothing sexier than scheduled sex. Right?!? Well, sorry- unfortunately your success of getting some one-on-one time very much hinges on how you plan for it.  Timing is everything, so make sure they have all the snacks they would want, are occupied by a movie or activity, and they are not about to refuse to take a nap. If you are dealing with teenagers, there is nothing wrong with giving them money to go to a money or ice cream.

-Get a babysiter.

Sure, it’s expensive, but you don’t need to worry about where they are or what they are doing. They get to have a fun night of activities and you get a much needed break.


Make sure you have connection that is not just your kids. If you are single and dating someone, don’t talk about your kids the whole time. Believe it or not, you are person outside of your kids. Your life is more than your kids. So talk about other interests or even play a game of ‘would you rather’. As you talk it also reminds you that your partner is a whole person as well- with interests, dreams, and opinions. If you really don’t know what to do- try an activity that neither one of you has done. This puts you both in the same awkward boat and creates unique memories with one another.  

My Challenge to you: Do an assessment of your sex life. Is there aspects you could change to make if more satisfying? Really think about what you would like your sex life to look like and ask your partner too. Share insights, wants, needs, and creative ideas. 😉

Happy sexy time friends!

– Jessie the Therapist

Jessie Shepherd is a Mental Health Counselor and owner of Blue Clover Therapy in Utah. She has a Masters Degree in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Phoenix and a Bachelors degree in Psychology from the University of Utah. Her focus is treating trauma, eating disorders and adjustment issues in adults, adolescents, children and their families. She utilizes Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Play Therapy, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Neurological Feedback.

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